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Seven
Tips for Overcoming Fear of Failure
©
Rosamunde Bott 2008
Fear of failure is often the
very thing that will cause
people to fail. In
fact, much of the
time, it stops us from even starting a project.
While
this fear will keep us from success, it also prevents
us from enjoying life in the way it should be enjoyed.
Why
do we have such fear, and why is it so debilitating?
Fear
of failure has often been developed over a period of
time and may originally have been triggered by a need for acceptance
and
approval from those who are important to us.
When
we are young, we all need this acceptance, but people
who receive little praise for their efforts or have had constant
negative
feedback while growing up unfortunately learn that no matter how hard
they try,
it will never be good enough. As
adults,
any potential project seems doomed before it's even started.
This
lack of self belief feeds on itself, and many people
become reluctant to try anything new and they can become trapped in an
ordinary
and unfulfilled life.
Fortunately,
no-one has to stay with this mind-set and it is
possible for anyone to overcome their fear of failure.
The seven steps below are a starting point.
1.
Recognize the difference between actual lack of success
and your own fear.
Many
people will give any number of reasons for their lack
of success. However,
by taking a closer
look at the point at which you decided you had failed, you may find
that it was
your own fear of failure that stopped you.
Success
does not come without setbacks or obstacles but in
spite of them. When
your fear of failure
is too large, obstacles will occur as reasons not to continue. It is not actually the
obstacle that stops
you, but your lack of confidence.
Look
back on your past endeavours and try to spot the point
at which you lost confidence. What
were
the thoughts that went through your head?
Once you are aware of the fact that it is your own
fear that is stopping
you, you can begin to break through it.
2.
Recognize your giving up point.
When
people experience a lot of failure (whether perceived
or real), they begin to lack patience and will often give up too soon. When you expect failure,
it is really
difficult to put in the amount of time and attention that is necessary
to make
a project work.
How
much time and effort have you put into previous failed
projects? Did you
become stressed and
overwhelmed early on, and then decide that it wasn't worth carrying on?
3.
Give yourself a break
If
you find yourself feeling stressed early on in a project,
make sure you give yourself some time out.
If you do not relieve stress and try to push
yourself forward, it can
only lead to more stress and negativity which will reinforce your fear
of
failure. Relaxing
and fun activities
will refresh you and put you in a positive frame of mind.
Learn
to recognise how much time you can work on a project
before feeling stressed, and make sure you give yourself mini-breaks at
these
times, even if it's every half hour.
4.
Take baby steps
Instead
of trying to tackle a large project in one go, break
it down into much smaller and easily achievable steps.
When you begin to feel stressed, stop for
your "mini-break" and then come back to what you were doing. Once you
have achieved a small step, your confidence will increase and motivate
you for
the next task.
5.
Work on activities you are good at
Working
on something you enjoy and know you are good at will
also develop your confidence and self-esteem.
Once you start doing this, you can start to develop
your skills in this
area and build even more confidence.
Once
you have increased your confidence this way, you can
then put more effort into the projects that usually trigger your fear
of
failure.
6.
Boost your self-esteem
The
root cause of fear of failure is usually low self esteem. When you improve your self
esteem, your fear
of failure will weaken. So,
how do you
improve your self esteem?
As
I said above, self-esteem is often to do with events or
negativity from long ago. Once
you begin
to realise this AND that those events really had nothing to do with you
(yes -
even direct negative feedback - this usually has more to do with the
people
that give you this feedback rather than you, yourself), you can begin
to see
that you do not need to keep thinking of yourself in the same way. Start to find the
positives in yourself, and
learn to recognise your abilities.
Rely
less on the opinions of others and trust your own judgment.
7. Surround yourself
with positive people and support
Friends
and family are the obvious choice here, but in many
cases these are not always the most positive people for you. If those who are close to
you are in the
habit of putting you down, this can re-kindle your low self esteem and
fear of
failure. Try to
focus on those
"true" friends who support you in every way.
Also,
if you still find all this difficult, you may want to
employ professional support such as a life coach or counsellor. If this is too expensive
or too daunting for
you, there are many personal development books and online resources
(such as Success
University)
that can help you get
over your fear of failure and achieve success.
Follow these seven steps and
you will be well on the way to
overcoming your fear of failure and well on the way to a life of
success and
fulfilment.
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